Spotify Playlists People Need

These are Spotify mood playlists which don’t yet exist. But should.

Hungry Altered

Hungry for Harmonies

Sit back in your red booth and eat up these songs as you wait for your food and come on where’s the waiter because it’s been, like, 35 minutes, seriously, you ordered a turkey sandwich how long could that possibly even take.

Just My Type

Nothing’s hotter than knowing you’re about to sext, these songs will get you in the mood for committing your awkward sexual desires to print.

Gary altered

Gary!

Songs for when you know, have just met, or just happen to be Gary.

MORNING HANGOVER

Morning Hangover

You don’t want to hear music but the sound of your own vomiting is a bit much. It’s music you won’t remember on a morning you’ll never forget.

Anxious EDM

Anxious EDM

Push play on these songs to help push you through that panic attack, we’ll keep your pulse racing in time with the music that reminds you of all the ways you’re currently failing.

Who Cares

You’ve given up, so have we, featuring songs by whoever Pitbull’s working with and some new U2.

Maura Quint is a writer whose work can be found in publications such as McSweeneys, Runt of the Web, Someecards and on twitter at @behindyourback. She would be happy to name your band but you have to let her sing back up sometimes. Her mic doesn’t need to be on.

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