Great Expectations: Dude with dumb name gets friend-zoned hard until he finally gets money and the crazy bitch in the wedding dress dies.
Picture of Dorian Gray: Guy gets an epic selfie that Matthew McConaugheys itself and keeps getting older while he stays the same age.
Hamlet: Emo kid’s clingy girlfriend kills herself. His mom is remarried to his uncle which is kind of sick and pisses him off and then everybody dies.
Heart of Darkness: Pretty much just a total rip-off of Apocalypse Now
Maura Quint is a writer whose work can be found in publications such as McSweeneys, Runt of the Web, Someecards and on twitter at @behindyourback. She would be happy to name your band but you have to let her sing back up sometimes. Her mic doesn’t need to be on.